Thursday, September 29, 2011

Handling Anger in the Workplace

Dear Debbie,
What's the best way to handle anger in the workplace? Sometimes people and situations just make me plain mad and I know that I let it show
.


First and foremost, while you are in the moment that angers you, it is imperative stay calm. Try not to let your anger show. If necessary, walk away from the situation and give yourself time to gain your composure before you attempt to address the situation. Reacting to any workplace situation in the heat of anger almost always ends in regrets.
Next, prepare yourself for situations and circumstances that have the potential to make you angry. Know yourself and know when, where, and who might provoke those feelings in you. You may not be able to avoid the people and issues that make you mad, but you can plan how you might react and what you might say. For example, think about a particular person with whom you interact who tends to trigger your anger. When you are in a calm and contemplative mode, work through a mental exercise of how this person makes you angry and envision ways in which you could better handle such a situation. Mentally prepare actions that you can take to keep your cool externally regardless of how much you feel like exploding internally.
Emotional intelligence and maturity are critical traits in leaders and professionals. Being able to control your emotions in volatile situations is a sign of emotional intelligence and maturity, and is something that you must learn about and practice regularly. As you rise to greater levels of responsibility and have more people reporting to you, this skill and trait will be every bit as important to your career as your technical skills are.
Remember, an outburst of anger will only serve to damage your reputation and will not serve to accomplish much other than that. Sometimes, reacting angrily can do irreparable damage to a a career. Recognizing that you have a problem with anger is the first step toward making constructive changes to deal with it. Good luck and keep working on developing your emotional intelligence and maturity.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Managing Conflict

Dear Debbie,

I know it's important to be a team player, but what do I do when I strongly disagree with a co-worker? How do I express my opinion without being viewed as a negative force?


When there’s a disagreement with a co-worker, I think it’s best to try to resolve it between the two of you first. I suggest that you have a conversation with him or her to get more information and justification for why he or she is taking their position. It’s entirely possible that, once you get more details, you may find out that you don’t disagree so strongly or perhaps you don’t disagree at all. If you are still at odds, determine where you differ. Do you really disagree about the issue at hand or are there personality differences at play? Knowing whether your differences are issue-related or personality-related can help you both tackle your concerns from the right angle.

If you disagree on an issue, you can come to a compromise based on the facts and how you each see them. If it’s a personality conflict, then have an honest discussion with the individual to unravel your differences and reach an agreement on how you can go forward and work together productively.

It’s important to try to do this first in a private setting so that you don’t have to air your differences in a group. If time is of the essence and you must disagree publically, do so calmly, diplomatically and professionally, leaving your emotions out of it. Remember, you are not always going to agree with your co-workers and there is nothing wrong with healthy dissension in a group.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Gender and Language in the Workplace

Dear Debbie,

With a prominent female executive recently in the news for her high level termination and frequent use of profanity, what do you think about women cursing in the workplace?


This is an excellent question, but the answer is going to be a bit complicated since gender differences come into play. First, let me say that I do not know this woman personally, but I have read her biographical information and excerpts from interviews that she has given. It has been interesting that the two main themes in most of the reports about her firing have centered on her gender and her use of “salty” language. While the headlines focused on her language choices, buried in the stories was the fact that she failed to achieve the results expected of her.

I see several issues in this scenario – issues of gender, executive gravitas, emotional intelligence, company and brand image, as well as respect and trust. Let’s start with the gender issue. Much has been written about the fact that women are perceived differently than men, and I agree with this premise. Some people have even gone so far as to say that men can get away with certain behaviors, such as the use of foul language in the workplace, while women cannot. I agree with this also, but only to a limited degree. It’s not only bad behavior that can get women in hot water, but oftentimes it can be other variables combined with that behavior that leads to their demise. In other words, the bad behavior may be magnified simply because the person is female.

In this particular case, the woman involved did not mince words and was very public in her use of what many people consider to be offensive language. Here, we aren’t talking about the occasional slip of a word, but habitual crude language used in public interviews and settings. Foul language tends to convey high emotions or even instability, regardless of gender.

There’s an important distinction between speaking in public and in private at an executive level. In public, people usually do not know the executive and are forming an image and perception, whether the executive is male or female. How the executive speaks plays a large role in creating that image. In essence, an executive becomes the face of his or her company when speaking in public. Repeated use of foul language and poor behavior by both men and women undermines their own credibility and the credibility of their company. Such behavior also brings into question the executive’s judgment skills, emotional intelligence, and stability, all extremely important to long-term success as a leader.

A basic leadership trait, which is essential at every level, is an understanding of differences among people -- something that we call diversity. We all bring different skills, values, views of the world and expectations to the workplace. Great leaders must be able to speak to and consider all those differences, all the time. While some people may not find the use of foul language offensive, others will find the slightest use of questionable words or phrases very distasteful. So as a leader of either gender, especially at a high level, it’s important to consider these differences when choosing words. This is not to say that behind closed doors, and especially with close confidants, foul words may not occasionally fly. However, in public or around unfamiliar people, the smart leader chooses words carefully and keeps emotions in check.

Whether male or female, language is very much a part of our persona and image, especially in a high level leadership role. The language that a leader chooses should engender trust and respect, and should reflect that he or she is calm and capable, not volatile or emotionally immature.

Personally, when I hear foul language being used by someone I do not know, I immediately have a negative impression and automatically question the person’s judgment and intelligence. My advice to those I coach would be to save the salty language for outside the office. Inside the office, it’s important to be seen as articulate and as a good representative of the company’s values.

And, as the executive in the news stories learned, combining the public use of foul language with a lack of ability to achieve bottom line results is a sure recipe for termination.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Preparing for Promotion

Dear Debbie,

My boss is planning to retire next year, and I know that several of us in the department will apply for his position. We all have about the same qualifications and experience. What can I do to make myself stand out from the pack?


Don’t assume that everyone knows you are interested in the position. Have a discussion with your boss and ask for his insight about being considered or recommended. Depending on the grade level of his position, there may be a formal succession plan in place, or at least some criteria that has been established, for selecting his replacement. If there is, you need this information so that you aren’t sitting on the sidelines assuming that it’s an even playing field when it may not be.

You also need to talk with your peers and other associates to evaluate the level of support you have for the position and what their thoughts are about his replacement. This may give you some information about what you may need to do in order to compete once the time comes.

In the meantime, work to stand out by going above and beyond in your regular duties and by accepting extra assignments, if possible. Volunteer to work on committees, task forces and community projects. Make sure that you are seen as someone who seeks solutions and consensus, and as someone who has strong leadership abilities.