Dear Debbie,
I know it's important to be a team player, but what do I do when I strongly disagree with a co-worker? How do I express my opinion without being viewed as a negative force?
When there’s a disagreement with a co-worker, I think it’s best to try to resolve it between the two of you first. I suggest that you have a conversation with him or her to get more information and justification for why he or she is taking their position. It’s entirely possible that, once you get more details, you may find out that you don’t disagree so strongly or perhaps you don’t disagree at all. If you are still at odds, determine where you differ. Do you really disagree about the issue at hand or are there personality differences at play? Knowing whether your differences are issue-related or personality-related can help you both tackle your concerns from the right angle.
If you disagree on an issue, you can come to a compromise based on the facts and how you each see them. If it’s a personality conflict, then have an honest discussion with the individual to unravel your differences and reach an agreement on how you can go forward and work together productively.
It’s important to try to do this first in a private setting so that you don’t have to air your differences in a group. If time is of the essence and you must disagree publically, do so calmly, diplomatically and professionally, leaving your emotions out of it. Remember, you are not always going to agree with your co-workers and there is nothing wrong with healthy dissension in a group.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Gender & Language In The Workplace
Dear Debbie,
With a prominent female executive recently in the news for her high level termination and frequent use of profanity, what do you think about women cursing in the workplace?
This is an excellent question, but the answer is going to be a bit complicated since gender differences come into play. First, let me say that I do not know this woman personally, but I have read her biographical information and excerpts from interviews that she has given. It has been interesting that the two main themes in most of the reports about her firing have centered on her gender and her use of “salty” language. While the headlines focused on her language choices, buried in the stories was the fact that she failed to achieve the results expected of her.
I see several issues in this scenario – issues of gender, executive gravitas, emotional intelligence, company and brand image, as well as respect and trust. Let’s start with the gender issue. Much has been written about the fact that women are perceived differently than men, and I agree with this premise. Some people have even gone so far as to say that men can get away with certain behaviors, such as the use of foul language in the workplace, while women cannot. I agree with this also, but only to a limited degree. It’s not only bad behavior that can get women in hot water, but oftentimes it can be other variables combined with that behavior that leads to their demise. In other words, the bad behavior may be magnified simply because the person is female.
In this particular case, the woman involved did not mince words and was very public in her use of what many people consider to be offensive language. Here, we aren’t talking about the occasional slip of a word, but habitual crude language used in public interviews and settings. Foul language tends to convey high emotions or even instability, regardless of gender.
There’s an important distinction between speaking in public and in private at an executive level. In public, people usually do not know the executive and are forming an image and perception, whether the executive is male or female. How the executive speaks plays a large role in creating that image. In essence, an executive becomes the face of his or her company when speaking in public. Repeated use of foul language and poor behavior by both men and women undermines their own credibility and the credibility of their company. Such behavior also brings into question the executive’s judgment skills, emotional intelligence, and stability, all extremely important to long-term success as a leader.
A basic leadership trait, which is essential at every level, is an understanding of differences among people -- something that we call diversity. We all bring different skills, values, views of the world and expectations to the workplace. Great leaders must be able to speak to and consider all those differences, all the time. While some people may not find the use of foul language offensive, others will find the slightest use of questionable words or phrases very distasteful. So as a leader of either gender, especially at a high level, it’s important to consider these differences when choosing words. This is not to say that behind closed doors, and especially with close confidants, foul words may not occasionally fly. However, in public or around unfamiliar people, the smart leader chooses words carefully and keeps emotions in check.
Whether male or female, language is very much a part of our persona and image, especially in a high level leadership role. The language that a leader chooses should engender trust and respect, and should reflect that he or she is calm and capable, not volatile or emotionally immature.
Personally, when I hear foul language being used by someone I do not know, I immediately have a negative impression and automatically question the person’s judgment and intelligence. My advice to those I coach would be to save the salty language for outside the office. Inside the office, it’s important to be seen as articulate and as a good representative of the company’s values.
And, as the executive in the news stories learned, combining the public use of foul language with a lack of ability to achieve bottom line results is a sure recipe for termination.
With a prominent female executive recently in the news for her high level termination and frequent use of profanity, what do you think about women cursing in the workplace?
This is an excellent question, but the answer is going to be a bit complicated since gender differences come into play. First, let me say that I do not know this woman personally, but I have read her biographical information and excerpts from interviews that she has given. It has been interesting that the two main themes in most of the reports about her firing have centered on her gender and her use of “salty” language. While the headlines focused on her language choices, buried in the stories was the fact that she failed to achieve the results expected of her.
I see several issues in this scenario – issues of gender, executive gravitas, emotional intelligence, company and brand image, as well as respect and trust. Let’s start with the gender issue. Much has been written about the fact that women are perceived differently than men, and I agree with this premise. Some people have even gone so far as to say that men can get away with certain behaviors, such as the use of foul language in the workplace, while women cannot. I agree with this also, but only to a limited degree. It’s not only bad behavior that can get women in hot water, but oftentimes it can be other variables combined with that behavior that leads to their demise. In other words, the bad behavior may be magnified simply because the person is female.
In this particular case, the woman involved did not mince words and was very public in her use of what many people consider to be offensive language. Here, we aren’t talking about the occasional slip of a word, but habitual crude language used in public interviews and settings. Foul language tends to convey high emotions or even instability, regardless of gender.
There’s an important distinction between speaking in public and in private at an executive level. In public, people usually do not know the executive and are forming an image and perception, whether the executive is male or female. How the executive speaks plays a large role in creating that image. In essence, an executive becomes the face of his or her company when speaking in public. Repeated use of foul language and poor behavior by both men and women undermines their own credibility and the credibility of their company. Such behavior also brings into question the executive’s judgment skills, emotional intelligence, and stability, all extremely important to long-term success as a leader.
A basic leadership trait, which is essential at every level, is an understanding of differences among people -- something that we call diversity. We all bring different skills, values, views of the world and expectations to the workplace. Great leaders must be able to speak to and consider all those differences, all the time. While some people may not find the use of foul language offensive, others will find the slightest use of questionable words or phrases very distasteful. So as a leader of either gender, especially at a high level, it’s important to consider these differences when choosing words. This is not to say that behind closed doors, and especially with close confidants, foul words may not occasionally fly. However, in public or around unfamiliar people, the smart leader chooses words carefully and keeps emotions in check.
Whether male or female, language is very much a part of our persona and image, especially in a high level leadership role. The language that a leader chooses should engender trust and respect, and should reflect that he or she is calm and capable, not volatile or emotionally immature.
Personally, when I hear foul language being used by someone I do not know, I immediately have a negative impression and automatically question the person’s judgment and intelligence. My advice to those I coach would be to save the salty language for outside the office. Inside the office, it’s important to be seen as articulate and as a good representative of the company’s values.
And, as the executive in the news stories learned, combining the public use of foul language with a lack of ability to achieve bottom line results is a sure recipe for termination.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Executive Coaching
Dear Debbie,
What is an executive coach? How do I know if one would be beneficial for me and my career?
Executive coaching is a formal engagement in which a qualified coach works with an organizational leader in a series of dynamic, confidential sessions designed to establish and achieve clear goals that will result in improved managerial performance. The relationship between a manager and a coach is different from other types of professional relationships. For example, a coaching relationship focuses on enhancing performance while a mentoring relationship usually has broader objectives. An executive coach is much more involved in execution and outcome assessment than the typical consultant might be. A coach is not an authority figure, but is someone who is engaged with their client on all levels to provide assessment, challenge, and support.
Above all, a coach is someone who is there for the professional client for collaboration and to offer the type of counsel and support that the executive may not otherwise receive. A great coach will work with clients to assess individual circumstances, strengths, weaknesses, and developmental opportunities.
In some circles, having a coach is something to brag about. In other situations, a coach may be brought in as a reaction to a certain set of circumstances that indicate a performance deficit. In today’s business climate, coaches are seeing an increased demand across the board at the ‘c suite’ level. An executive coach is a perk to which some top executives feel entitled and that some leaders negotiate as part of their total compensation and benefits package. Some companies provide coaching initiatives for new, transferring and high-potential employees, while other individuals seek out coaches and pay for them on their own. In my practice, I see a variety of circumstances that prompt individuals and organizations to engage me in the role of advisor and coach.
If you are considering an executive coach, keep in mind that your perception of coaching greatly affects your readiness to benefit from having a coach. If you have a positive perception of coaching and think that it could help you, you’ve taken the first step toward realizing its benefits. You should assess your own readiness for what will be a serious commitment and an occasionally uncomfortable experience. There are coaching readiness questionnaires that I use with my clients to help them fully understand and assess where they are before the coaching process starts.
When you work with a coach, you can expect to change your skills and your behaviors and develop better leadership abilities. Resistance to any kind of personal change is normal, realistic, and to be expected. It’s not a light decision to engage an executive coach. Only you can accurately assess your thoughts, feelings, and needs. A great coach will use some very sophisticated behavioral and competency based assessment instruments that will enable you to clearly understand where you are starting and what you will need to work on.
Executive coaches have become much more common than they were even five years ago. If you decide that you’re ready to benefit from coaching, take time to find a well-qualified coach with whom you can relate on a personal level. Selecting the right coach has a dramatic impact on successful results. Engaging a well-qualified coach that is a good fit for you will positively affect your individual growth and your future career path. Good luck!
What is an executive coach? How do I know if one would be beneficial for me and my career?
Executive coaching is a formal engagement in which a qualified coach works with an organizational leader in a series of dynamic, confidential sessions designed to establish and achieve clear goals that will result in improved managerial performance. The relationship between a manager and a coach is different from other types of professional relationships. For example, a coaching relationship focuses on enhancing performance while a mentoring relationship usually has broader objectives. An executive coach is much more involved in execution and outcome assessment than the typical consultant might be. A coach is not an authority figure, but is someone who is engaged with their client on all levels to provide assessment, challenge, and support.
Above all, a coach is someone who is there for the professional client for collaboration and to offer the type of counsel and support that the executive may not otherwise receive. A great coach will work with clients to assess individual circumstances, strengths, weaknesses, and developmental opportunities.
In some circles, having a coach is something to brag about. In other situations, a coach may be brought in as a reaction to a certain set of circumstances that indicate a performance deficit. In today’s business climate, coaches are seeing an increased demand across the board at the ‘c suite’ level. An executive coach is a perk to which some top executives feel entitled and that some leaders negotiate as part of their total compensation and benefits package. Some companies provide coaching initiatives for new, transferring and high-potential employees, while other individuals seek out coaches and pay for them on their own. In my practice, I see a variety of circumstances that prompt individuals and organizations to engage me in the role of advisor and coach.
If you are considering an executive coach, keep in mind that your perception of coaching greatly affects your readiness to benefit from having a coach. If you have a positive perception of coaching and think that it could help you, you’ve taken the first step toward realizing its benefits. You should assess your own readiness for what will be a serious commitment and an occasionally uncomfortable experience. There are coaching readiness questionnaires that I use with my clients to help them fully understand and assess where they are before the coaching process starts.
When you work with a coach, you can expect to change your skills and your behaviors and develop better leadership abilities. Resistance to any kind of personal change is normal, realistic, and to be expected. It’s not a light decision to engage an executive coach. Only you can accurately assess your thoughts, feelings, and needs. A great coach will use some very sophisticated behavioral and competency based assessment instruments that will enable you to clearly understand where you are starting and what you will need to work on.
Executive coaches have become much more common than they were even five years ago. If you decide that you’re ready to benefit from coaching, take time to find a well-qualified coach with whom you can relate on a personal level. Selecting the right coach has a dramatic impact on successful results. Engaging a well-qualified coach that is a good fit for you will positively affect your individual growth and your future career path. Good luck!
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Interviewing Tips
With the current job market, openings are few and far between and I want to make the most of any interviews that I get. Do you have any interviewing tips to pass along? What do you look for when you interview job candidates?
I have a lot of interviewing tips, but first let me give you a few things to think about. Before you start thinking about the actual interview, I would challenge you to define those things that make you different from all of the other people who might be vying for the position. What makes you special? What makes you particularly well suited for the job? Put yourself in the hiring manager’s seat and ask what would really “wow” you if you were comparing job applicants.
Think about those traits and skills that are at the top of your “strengths” list and determine which of these set you apart, and which apply to the job. Keep it simple. I suggest defining three or four things that really make you stand out from the crowd, and practice describing those traits aloud. That way, when you are asked in an interview why you are right for the job you will have already thought out the answers and will be ready to sell yourself smoothly.
When I’m interviewing, I look for that proverbial first impression to see how the person comes across. Is he or she friendly, comfortable, well mannered, and well groomed? Is he or she confident, poised, and ready to contribute to the team? During the interview, I’m asking myself how this person will fit into and be received by our team. I’ll bet the hiring managers you meet will be thinking about this, too.
So, I will leave you with this suggestion. Enter the room like you own it but are willing to give it up. Project a comfortable, confident, and engaging demeanor. Most important, articulate your strengths and skills and how you can contribute value to the team. Good luck!
I have a lot of interviewing tips, but first let me give you a few things to think about. Before you start thinking about the actual interview, I would challenge you to define those things that make you different from all of the other people who might be vying for the position. What makes you special? What makes you particularly well suited for the job? Put yourself in the hiring manager’s seat and ask what would really “wow” you if you were comparing job applicants.
Think about those traits and skills that are at the top of your “strengths” list and determine which of these set you apart, and which apply to the job. Keep it simple. I suggest defining three or four things that really make you stand out from the crowd, and practice describing those traits aloud. That way, when you are asked in an interview why you are right for the job you will have already thought out the answers and will be ready to sell yourself smoothly.
When I’m interviewing, I look for that proverbial first impression to see how the person comes across. Is he or she friendly, comfortable, well mannered, and well groomed? Is he or she confident, poised, and ready to contribute to the team? During the interview, I’m asking myself how this person will fit into and be received by our team. I’ll bet the hiring managers you meet will be thinking about this, too.
So, I will leave you with this suggestion. Enter the room like you own it but are willing to give it up. Project a comfortable, confident, and engaging demeanor. Most important, articulate your strengths and skills and how you can contribute value to the team. Good luck!
Monday, February 13, 2012
A Message From Debbie
Dear Readers,
Due to an incredibly hectic schedule we are re-running some of our more popular posts for the next few weeks.
We have a backlog of your questions to be answered and I will be posting new material again next month.
Thank you for your interest, comments, and questions! Please spread the word and tell your friends about our blog. We love seeing new readers as they continue to grow daily from different countries around the world!
My best to all of you,
Debbie
Due to an incredibly hectic schedule we are re-running some of our more popular posts for the next few weeks.
We have a backlog of your questions to be answered and I will be posting new material again next month.
Thank you for your interest, comments, and questions! Please spread the word and tell your friends about our blog. We love seeing new readers as they continue to grow daily from different countries around the world!
My best to all of you,
Debbie
Communication Skills
Dear Debbie,
In my last two performance evaluations, I've been told that I need to improve my communication skills, but I haven't been given many specifics on what I need to do. Can you help me with any general workplace communication pointers?
I encourage you to ask for more specific feedback that defines which communications skills are lacking as well as suggested improvements that you could take immediate action to implement. You might request another brief follow-up meeting with your manager to seek the information as well as to let your manager know that you are taking constructive action to address the concerns.
In the absence of specifics from your evaluating manager, I would suggest that you seek input from your peers and other managers as to how they see you and your communications skills. There are very specific behavioral styles that dictate the way people communicate and receive information, both at work and in their personal lives. Some styles tend to mesh better than others. Gaining an understanding of your style can help you see how others perceive you and how you might adjust your approach when interacting with other styles.
For example, if you are a strong, results-oriented person and you are working primarily with more methodical, detail-oriented individuals, you may be perceived as being abrasive and pushy which is not entirely the case. So, get input from those who know you well and who have observed your communications skills in action. Put it all together to assess how you are coming across and what you need to do to improve.
There are several really good behavioral based assessment tools that I use with clients that are extremely effective in improving workplace communication. See if your organization has access to similar instruments. With the right information and some effort on your part, you can form new and better communication skills and habits.
One more thing – be sure to document the steps that you have taken to improve so that you can present your actions to your manager at your next performance review.
In my last two performance evaluations, I've been told that I need to improve my communication skills, but I haven't been given many specifics on what I need to do. Can you help me with any general workplace communication pointers?
I encourage you to ask for more specific feedback that defines which communications skills are lacking as well as suggested improvements that you could take immediate action to implement. You might request another brief follow-up meeting with your manager to seek the information as well as to let your manager know that you are taking constructive action to address the concerns.
In the absence of specifics from your evaluating manager, I would suggest that you seek input from your peers and other managers as to how they see you and your communications skills. There are very specific behavioral styles that dictate the way people communicate and receive information, both at work and in their personal lives. Some styles tend to mesh better than others. Gaining an understanding of your style can help you see how others perceive you and how you might adjust your approach when interacting with other styles.
For example, if you are a strong, results-oriented person and you are working primarily with more methodical, detail-oriented individuals, you may be perceived as being abrasive and pushy which is not entirely the case. So, get input from those who know you well and who have observed your communications skills in action. Put it all together to assess how you are coming across and what you need to do to improve.
There are several really good behavioral based assessment tools that I use with clients that are extremely effective in improving workplace communication. See if your organization has access to similar instruments. With the right information and some effort on your part, you can form new and better communication skills and habits.
One more thing – be sure to document the steps that you have taken to improve so that you can present your actions to your manager at your next performance review.
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